If your wife is further along spiritually than you, you are probably wondering how you can be a spiritual leader to her under such conditions.  First of all don’t be discouraged.  You don’t have to have a college degree to be a spiritual leader.  What God requires, He also delivers.  Here are some observations that may be helpful.

• Husbands need to lead biblically.  Christ is the shepherd.  He doesn’t herd the sheep from behind.  Herding from behind scares the sheep and they will scatter.  Jesus leads the sheep which means He is out front and the sheep are following Him. They follow Him because they know Him and He knows them.

Leading biblically is about relationships.  Does your wife know you love her?  Is she secure in your love for her or does she have reason to doubt?  Does she know that aside from your relationship with God that she and the children are the most important priorities you have?  

Are you making an effort to love her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it?  Are you loving her as you love your own body and as you love yourself?  This love in action is servant leadership. It is the result of biblical submission which is a characteristic of being controlled by the Holy Spirit.  See Ephesians 5:18 – 6:9.

• Are you a stranger to your children?  Do you know them?  The Lord said “My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me.”  Sheep will not follow a stranger.  To know one’s children is to be involved in their lives.  It will be difficult to lead your children if you are not there.
• It will be difficult to lead them if you believe it is the wife’s responsibility to raise the children.  Parenting is a team effort. To be a team member one must be present and conscious of what is happening in the home.  
• The true shepherd gives his life for the sheep.

A memory that I often recall with great emotion is triggered by a picture that was taken during the county fair when all four of our children were showing cattle.  It was a silhouette of myself and our children leaning on show sticks and facing each other just outside a holding corral.  

All four of our kids were facing me and listening as I talked with them.  Although I was most likely not giving spiritual instruction at the time, that picture reminds me of Deuteronomy 6:6 & 7 where God instructs fathers as follows:

“And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:  And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down and when thou risest up.”

Spiritual leadership can be as simple as being interested in the things of God and as profound as having a devotion to Christ and His word that shows up in one’s own life first.  

Spiritual leadership should involve taking the initiative.  Taking the initiative begins with priorities.  What is most important in my own life?  It should be my personal relationship with God followed by my relationship with my wife and my children.  Is there evidence that these are my priorities?  

• Do not demand that the family be spiritual.  They can no more produce spirituality by demand than anyone can increase height by taking thought.  Spiritual life and it’s evidence is from God.  
• Do not be discouraged if there is no spiritual evidence in the life a child.   Be glad you are not being deceived by outward conformity.  A gentle reminder to a rebellious child should be “the way of the transgressor is hard”.
• Parents should pray for their children as Job did for his. 
• Parents should live out their own relationship with God in front of their children.  It should not be acting, it should be genuine.
• A wise man once observed that although God has a multitude of children,  there are some who may not be presently living for Him.  Does that make God a bad parent?